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05/13/2017 EYE OF THE STORM (Captivating excerpt!)


Like many couples, we were not without challenges or arguments. I do not recall what started the arguments, but I do recall that they were over petty issues. They seemed to occur at regular intervals with her menstrual cycle, and I assumed this was normal for all women when their hormones changed. Having recalled how Kat snapped at her father (over something as simple as a can of soda), I tried to roll with the mood swings the best I could. Eventually, the drip, drip, dripping would increase and intensify, and I would finally hold my ground on a petty issue. Her fists would clench, she would yell while leaning forward, adamant in her insistent perception of events and assumptions of intentions.

I argued back, but I never raised my hand, never hit, never shoved anyone across a room, and I did not do things that Kat later tried to allege. She would eventually calm down and usually would change from one extreme of anger to another of sadness and crying. She would typically claim she did not know why she would get that way. I attributed it to extreme PMS, and tried my best to deal with it each month. Kat suggested that these might be rooted in medical possibilities that were never fully pursued. There was always some type of excuse or reason given to justify the reactions. To the average person glancing into this type of relationship from the outside, these things might appear as obvious red flags for one to reconsider whether or not to proceed forward. When you are in it, however, these are clouds of darkness that shade your vision and perception, and you move forward with your clouded vision. _____ Excerpt / Chapter 4: THE PERFECT STORM

I documented this particular day (the day of my split from Kat) from memory within a few weeks after it happened (at the advice of a close family member.) My memory remains intact of the events, and the visual events of that day play over and over in my head as I retell the truths that happened. Judges and lawyers have a template for looking at issues: they eventually hear and see a portion of both sides of an issue, and assume, for all purposes, that the truth resides somewhere in-between. I commit to you the truth as I knew it then and still know it now, taken from my word for word original handwritten notes days after the events occurred. This is 100% true and accurate and I am committed to presenting this information to you in a very candid manner.

It is important to note that it was this same sequence of events that I retold to an old high school friend approximately five months after it occurred. Emilia was then, and remains now, my Saving Grace. We reconnected on social media after not having seen each other since high school. She asked me repeatedly to go for a run with her. I was reluctant, beaten down in my circumstances, wanting to be accepted but not certain she was in a position to bear the weight on her shoulders. She kept insisting, and I agreed. As I walked up her driveway, she commented with a smirk, “Look what the cat dragged in!” Her words rang true: I was emotionally slashed by a Ferrell cat, dragged in and left to die the emotional death of one who was shunned and cut off from friends and loved ones. Fortunately, Kat had not gotten to my old friend.

Emilia then enveloped me in a warm, compassionate, empathetic and full-acceptance-filled embrace. It was at that moment I knew I could finally tell someone, aside from my immediate family, the true events that had taken place in all of those months. I could barely walk, let alone run. She suggested we just walk and talk. In those miles, I poured my heart out to her, fully disclosing every detail while she listened with patience and showed no signs of any judgment. She knew my character from high school, and in part because of this, she was able to again see my true core beyond any horrific events.

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