10/13/2017 Transparent and Humble
Today is Friday the 13th, a day that typically is used to advertise stories of horror. Here is another excerpt from my true and real-life experiences as documented in my upcoming book, Eye of the Storm: Falsely Accused. I continue to share with you my journey of grief recovery; a journey through the horrors I encountered from false accusations and the aftermath stages of recovering from this trauma. Whatever your tunnel of horror may be, know that there can always be light at the end of the tunnel. Enjoy!
Unfortunately, Kat knows the truth of the impending judgment that will happen to her when she kneels before God, but she appears to reject atonement. She will have to explain the actions of her core and her treacherous actions against me before God. She appears to have built her present and future upon her own lies. In the marriage I covered for her, gave her excuses for her actions, and patiently waited in hopes that she would see logic and truth, to no avail. I now see her foundation of lies creaking like an unstable house in the breeze, unstable to the slightest change in weather. She has created her own detriment to any storm, and I see the weather changing, not in her favor and by her own hands.
What Kat did not count on was that God, through Emilia, would rescue me. Together Emilia and I would lament for the heartaches and recover each time a new discovery of treacherous debris would wash alongside us. Slowly, the debris was pieced together and identified as having been crushed by Kat’s true core: selfishness. Selfishness is a black hole, inhaling all the matter, including light and truth, in order to become more massive and puffed up. Though selfishness destroys all matter in it’s path, it inevitably implodes in direct relation to it’s own selfishness.
In order for anyone to “cross over” onto the selfless side of the scale to save themselves, one has to become transparent and humble. Full disclosure needs to occur, the truth needs to be revealed. Only then can one be absolved. You have to strip yourself of all lies, all untruths, shadings of the truth, misrepresentations of self and others, etc., all as if you were entering a magnetic chamber and needed to strip yourself of all magnetic materials. Impending doom happens to those who build their houses on their selfishness. A person’s selfishness causes their own demise. As the storm rolls in, they do not know well enough to panic or change their ways until it is too late while they are washed out to sea. Selfish people claim reliance on nobody else but themselves. Becoming transparent requires humility, honesty, integrity, and the ability to trust outside of oneself.
The selfish will scoff at rebuke. Those with a hidden core of empathy will lament, and ultimately realize there is acceptance, forgiveness, hope, truth, and endurance on the selfless side of the scale. Emilia and I have discovered that surviving around selfish narcissists, like the ones from our past, is challenging and one must do what they can to survive. Ultimately, however, one must choose a side or be crushed by the gravity of the increasing mass of another’s selfishness. The challenge of our day is to identify where people are on the scale of empathy by dividing the marrow from the bone. Our task is to discern who is on the right side of empathy, and who remains a narcissist. The subtle, yet clear, voice in my conscience reminded me that empathy always wins, no matter who is facing the abyss.
It was Emilia who identified my heart wrenching poems and short writings as part of my grief recovery. She encouraged me to pour out every word that bubbled over. This began the passionate outpouring toward setting things straight while I waited for the waves to calm their thrashing against my shore. Emilia recognized that my experiences needed to be written down for posterity, so that others could learn the healing process as well.
Knowing I still had the other side of the storm to journey through, Emilia compassionately volunteered to be my guide to help navigate through the debris. This is the heart of a true angel: a tender-hearted, truth-seeking, empathy-filled person who recognizes the character of integrity, truth, and empathy in another. I had arrived on her doorstep beaten, worn, torn, devastated, weakened: but alive. The abyss did not swallow me up as Kat had hoped. Instead, Emilia pulled me out of the swirl of the abyss, embraced me with love, and began traveling by my side as we encountered the second half of the storm together.
Author's Note: Thank you for traveling on this journey with me! I am in the process of editing the final manuscript, and I will continue to keep you informed about the release of Eye of the Storm: Falsely Accused. There can ALWAYS be light at the end of the tunnel!
D. P. Bickerdike